I’m in this weird competitive mind-space about what I do. There’s another writer in town who is always one step ahead of me, doing the large branding projects, working with the right clients, charging more than I do, the golden-child of freelance writing. I call him Piper.

I’m in a meeting the other day about a series of brochures and I inquire as to whether they have brand standards. Of course they do and they were written by him.

He is my Newman. Whenever Newman would do something that goaded Jerry Seinfeld, he’d say, “Newman!”

“Piper!” she says, gritting her teeth.